Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Rant!

Why, the FUCK, do exes that have repeatedly fucked you over in every way possible, just continue to live and breathe as if that's perfectly acceptable.

They should all be put on a boat, banished to the island of lost men, and then blown up.

This morning, I woke up to a facebook notification off some slag he shagged right at the beginning of our relationship.
Is
She
Fuckin
MESSING

Do you know what this tells me? This tells me this absolute fucking gobshite is messaging every girl he's ever fucked in the hope of getting validation and making himself feel better and probably telling all and sundry I am a crank or whatever. And then one of said skanks decides to type my name into that search bar an fucking FACEBOOK ME

Fewwwwwwwwmin

I can't express the lividness that poured out of me at 8am this morning. Messaged him, asked him if he was messin. Blocked her, she's defo not messin. And then sobbed.

And screamed a bit

And then had overwhelming urge to just sort of peel my face off and rip it up.

My marbles, that had started to leak out slowly and steadily 2 weeks ago, where now haemorraging everywhere all over the floor and I was skidding on them like bambi on Ice.

Rang work, told them I had gone mad. They were very supportive actually. This is the repayment for being an excellent worker for 10years I can't thank them enough. And then I went to the doctors for a sick note. Explained through my hysterical tears that I was mental and that I didn't feel like my anti depressants where working and they told me that apparently they take about 2-3 weeks to work and I will feel worse during that period before I would feel better.

Are they fucking messin an all???? Give a person who's teetering on the edge of sanity pills that will make them worse?!!! I had 2 choices. Take the peeler to my face, or just go home and retreat until these god damn pills start to lift my mood.

Had numerous irrational thoughts over the past few days including buying a dog, moving back in with my mother, becoming a vegan, and peeling off my face. I have also decided booked an appointment to go and see a psychic which is almost laughable however if I pay some woman called willow 35quid to tell me I'm going to be happy and I believe it then as far as I'm concerned it's money well spent.

Feel like I'm drowning in this horrific situation and am scared he is going to plead not guilty and put me through a trial. I'm scared of what happens when it is all over and I have nothing to stress about other than the sad realisation that I am alone.

In general, I'm a fucking miserable bastard and I don't see any sign whatsoever of that ever changing.


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