Aside from drunken meaningless shagging (whereby confidence is obviously at an ill advised high) I have not had (sober) sex in almost a year.
Dear god
Now while I am starting to feel more and more like I should be getting back in the saddle there is one deep dark lurking dread sort of feeling that creeps in at the very thought.....
I'm pale and fat.
Ok so I'm not obese and St tropez dark can probably sort the skin tone but still....my body confidence is at an all time low and it doesn't matter how much I gym it or how fabulous my tits are I still hear my ex telling me how fat I am ringing in my ears. Sort of a residual left over gift. That keeps on giving. And you know what I'm not sure what the hell to do to ever get over that....
I'm not entirely sure if I ever will to be quite frank. And that thought pisses me the fuck off more than you could ever bloody imagine.
Truth be told I actually have 2 dead cert fuck fests there for the taking if only I could get past this phobia I see to have developed about sober naked no pants dancing. I have been making excuses to the first one fora couple of months now. Which is a shame because he is brutally hot with a bloody nice car which are both high on my tick sheet.
I think it's because I'm not sure I can really be arsed with flings right now. Iv sort of decided that unless I'm swept right off my feet I'd prefer to stick to box sets and my selection of rabbits.
Maybe I'm just not ready full stop.
Iv come so far this last 12months. I feel like iv taken all the right steps and made all the right changes and I'm now on the right road. Suppose this is just one last step il have to take. It just makes me so angry that horrible twat can still affect my life even when he's, to all intents and purposes, dead.
Il sleep on it. So far the box sets are a nose in front but it's nice to know a girl has options
✌🏻
