It's been a while since my last blog and rather unfortunately my life has fallen spectacularly to pieces.
It's a rather disappointing turn of events especially as during the summer I was actually quite happy!
I won't go into too much of what's happened but the general jist is I was seeing a lad from work who we shall call shrimp for a few months who then cheated on me with another girl from work and I'm not one to knock body image in any way shape or form but if I tell you people call this girl "the yeti" then you get some idea of the situation.
Cue public humiliation on an epic scale. This wouldn't be half as bad if it didn't involve people I work with. And while everyone in work has made it clear they are disgusted with the yeti and the shrimp, it's still absolutely riled me.
I confronted him and he spent the whole evening coming out with all the usual shit "I'm sorry, I hate myself, it's just one mistake, I hate that Iv fucked this up bla bla bla there was even an "I love you" thrown in for good measure. Followed by threats of suicide. Spare me.
So having been sent on his merry way and told never to darken my doorway again He's now pretty much shacked up with yeti. After all that harping on to me with his I love yous. And her knowing he was with me.... I honestly can't work out which ones the bigger mug but anyway I digress from the point...
I was left to assess the situation. How am I feeling? Angry? Very. Betrayed, humiliated.. Absolutely. But heartbroken? No.
But then I realised
Actually I am heartbroken. But not about the yeti shrimp situation. It hit me full force that I am still 100percent completely in love with my ex. And completely totally still earth shatteringly heartbroken.
So what's a girl to do in this predicament? I made a monumental error dear readers. In a moment of madness caused by all the humiliation and betrayal and general rage..... I called him.
Yes
After 18months I called him.
And we are now in contact daily.
Fuck. My. Life.
So what did he say I hear you ask. Well this is where is gets hilarious. I rang my ex boyfriend out of the blue (hello from the other siiiiiiiide...and I slate Adele aswell) and said "I need to talk to you".
At first he was on the defensive as obviously you know.... Things ended with me having him criminally convicted and everything and he started asking if it was about the remaining court fine he had to pay or stuff to do with the police and I just said "no. I need to talk you. I don't want to go into detail but I need you to be at my beck and call 24/7 right now and for the foreseeable future until I feel better"
And do you know what he said?
He said ok.
Fuck. Really it would have been better if he'd have said no. Or not even answered at all. But he did. And he said he'd be there.
And now I'm back to where I was a year ago. Two years ago. Three years ago. Fuck four years ago.....
I suppose in a weird way the yeti shrimp saga has shown me that I was really in love with my ex and in a weird fucked up way that's nice to know. And now I need to deal with my heartbreak. We haven't spoken properly since we broke up 18months ago. There's so many things I want to say. But I can't. So I talk to him like nothing happened. And he tells me it's all going to be ok.
I need to not shag him.
There's a range of dudes asking me out and one even declaring undying love.... But they have all been placed on the back burner until I sort my shit out. Shrimp was the first person i felt anything for since my ex and he brutally betrayed me in front of everyone we work with. I live in a world where people fuck me over and think nothing of it. Therefore i have concluded it is better the devil you know.
I appreciate the ridiculousness of the current situation and clearly it is me that is the biggest mug but I feel a certain comfort from having him back in my life. Just don't shag him and it's all good.
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