Officially one year since the end of my relationship.
Iv been dreading this day. Past month or so iv been very conscious that it was fast approaching but now it's here....well it's been just another day really. In fact I sort of feel a lot better. All year I have been plagued by "this time last year...." thoughts. We had lots of happy times which I will cherish, and lots of bad times which I will not miss one bit. But right now I'm thinking "this time last year he was a complete and utter prick to me for the absolute last time and I did not let him get away with it.
Boss really isn't it!
Iv also been thinking today that if that wouldn't have happened, I probably wouldn't be going to uni in September. I would never have had the fight or flight response that ended up making me apply.
I haven't used a single credit card in the last 12 months either. Iv only got myself and my son to support and no one bumming off me whilst being an ungrateful tit at the same time. If he needed stuff or asked for anything I'd have given him the world no questions asked. He used to just take though. Take without asking. Expect. And kick off if I complained.
My son is also infinitely happier. I went to his parents evening tonight and I was so proud of all he's achieved this year. One sentence he had written made me well up. "Me and my mum make a great team". I will always know I did the right thing if only just for his sake. He's been my little superstar this year and I really don't know how I would have got through everything without him. And without my fabulous friends who remind me every single day that they are by my side.
Writing this blog this last year has been really therapeutic. I counted 17 different girls Iv met that ended their abusive relationships on the back of reading this. That's 17 people who's lives I have made a difference too. Some of them are now happy in new relationships, some of them are still single. But every last one of them is 100percent happier than this time last year. Myself included. There was a video on facebook the other day a young Irish girl who's boyfriend had given her a black eye and she'd dumped him. It went viral. Crying her eyes out she was. Exactly the same as I was last year. It reminded me of just how low I was in the beginning and made me so grateful for how far I have come
I spoke to him the other week. He's not paid half his fine so they are sending bailiffs round to get it so I said to him can't you just lend it off your mum or something because as hillarious as the thought of bailiffs breaking in and robbing his play station is, or him getting rearrested which is what would ultimately happen if the bailiffs couldn't get enough goods, realistically I would rather have the dollar.
Anyway he said he'd been having financial problems and he was going to pay as soon as he could and then he started saying he had found pictures of us and they had made him sad. Said he would never find anyone that compared to me. And that his sister was getting married and it upset him because he thought it would have been us....
And then he said something like "I have suffered every day since we split up, you made sure of that. I'm not angry at you though"
And it was at that point I got pissed off and thought for fucks sake! Where's me violin!
As if HEs the one that would be angry! Is he fuckin messin! He's been knocking girls about since the year dot, he hasn't got a pot to piss in, he's a 27 year old fucking BARMAN for christs sake and Iv got a horrible feeling he probably spends his days hungover/off his tits, waking up next to random girls he's shagged, working in some bar for minimum wage and probably riddled with the clap... Going absolutely fucking nowhere. In fact worse than nowhere... BACKWARDS!!. The life that lad could have had. I coached him through an interview for a banking job which he got offered about 2 weeks after we split up. He was getting driving lessons. What fucking moron would walk away from that to go and live in a shit hole and then sit there scratchin his head wondering why he "can't seem to catch a break" a year down the line?!!!! Il tell you why you can't catch a break.... Coz you've got no fucking common sense whatsoever and make some of THE worst decisions Iv ever seen in my life, REPEATEDLY. So I didn't make sure you suffered, you did! So if you're gonna be angry at anyone be angry at yourself, because I, sunshine am a fucking delight!
I actually despair as to what will become of him. He has a hole in his heart because he doesn't really care about anyone. And Iv got a really horrible feeling no one will ever really care about him. Except for his mum. And even she's not all that arsed from what I saw.
ANYWAY..... I digress.
Today's been sound. Not awful. Not amazing. Just a normal bog standard boring day. And tomorrow I can say this time last year was day 1. And would you just look at how far Iv come
Ps.... Do not pin a girl down, spit in her face, give her a black eye and then refuse to pay the fine!
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