Vic Vic Vic victorious!!

After slowing rebuilding my self esteem and confidence over the last month or so and constantly worrying about the impending trial, I finally got the phone call I had been waiting for on Friday night.

It was ying, my personal witness officer. I thought she was calling to confirm my court visit which was booked in for Tuesday but she literally started the convo with " iv got some great news! He's changed his mind! He's pleading guilty!!"

I nearly screamed down the phone. In fact I think I actually did scream.

"Don't shit me here ying", I said. "Double check and read it again!" So she absolutely assured me it was true. He will still have to go to court on the 23rd to be sentenced but I won't have to be a witness and give evidence. It was like the whole world had just lifted and I was finally free.

And just when I thought I couldn't get any higher, I discovered he's moved back down to London!!! He's working in a bar down there that his mate owns which is fucking hilarious because he hates that mate because he used to send me messages wanting to meet up for a drink! I'm so happy he's gone. Il never bump into him, il never fall into the trap of going back. This is it. It's all over!!

But then in amongst the joy it hit me. This is it. It's over. He's gone. And I felt sad.

I dont know why. I guess I expected him to fight for me. I feel as though he's fucked me over, and literally never spoken another word to be again.

But then I remembered all the shit he's put me through. Cheating on me and telling me it was because I was fat. Strangling me, pulling me down the stairs by my hair, threatening to kill me, forcing me to have an abortion, smashing shit up. The list goes on. And then I thought about him lugging all his worldly possessions through lime street. Pushing his telly on his roller blades. And the hole he must be staying in down there. And it made me smile.

There was a time I thought I wasn't going to make it through this. My confidence and self esteem were shattered. I believed I was fat and mental and no one would ever want me. I blamed myself. But iv beaten this. Not only physically did I get away, but mentally I got away too. I don't love him any more. And I can't tell you how good it feels to say that. Iv done it. Iv beaten this. Iv stood up for myself and not tolerated being abused, iv set an example for my wonderful son and I have fought for justice.

I'd be lying if I said id done this all by myself. I massively cheated and had hypnotherapy which if anyone needs similar assistance was provided by Kathleen Pythian who is at 88 Rodney Street in town. It's expensive but worth every fucking penny for the difference it made to my life. 

Also I'm glad in a way he's left now before the sentencing. His leaving was always going to be a difficult moment even in spite of everything it's still a finality if you get me. And iv already come to terms with that. So the only thing that's left is to see him get sentenced which I believe will be a massively satisfying moment.

I'm a bit concerned he's not going to turn up for the sentencing to be honest. I really hope he's not that stupid but I guess wel find out on the 23rd.

He battered his ex girlfriend when she was 6 months pregnant with his child. He battered his sister. And he battered me. There is no question in my mind he will go on to do it again. It sounds strange but in relieved it won't be a Scouse girl next. I would feel guilty for inflicting this monster on the Scouse republic. And of course now I can 100percent say with certainty that the next time he strangles someone, spits in their face, gives them a black eye. IT WONT BE ME. Stay strong and never back down. Single gal 1, gobshite nil xxx