Recognising abuse

This blog is all about how to recognise if your partner is an abusive gobshite. We all know that gobshites are rife, but how do you know if your gobshite is just a run of the mill cheater/liar/pisshead or if there are more sinister undertones which could ultimately result in your brutal murder?

The lady from the domestic violence charity came out with a "recognise the signs" booklet thing today and let me tell you boys and girls it was quite an eye opener. As I have said I have played down the abuse in my head and have wondered at times if I am being a drama queen as I suspect many in an abusive relationship have done themselves, so I am going to share with you the signs of domestic abuse. The ones with stars by them are the ones I have experienced

First up we have

PHYSICAL ABUSE

Punching/hitting you
Head butting you
*Spitting at/on you
Bound and/or gagged you
*Restraining you (ie holding you down*
Jumped up and down on
*Strangled/choked
*Pulling your hair/dragging you by your hair
*squeezing/ shaking/ shoving you
*using weapons/implements to hurt or scare you
*breaking bones
Burning you
Stabbed or cut
*Suffocated
*grabbing/throwing/pushing you
Abusing family pets
Biting you
*Locking you in or out of house or car
Force feeding you or withholding food
*reckless driving to frighten you
Pinching/nipping
Poisoning you
Shooting at you
Cutting off your hair
Running you over
Denying you of medical attention
Getting you tattooed
Taking your glasses/aid off you
Death/murder
Trapping fingers in a door
*Grabbing by the throat
*Destroying your property
*Criminal damage
*forcing you to have an abortion

Now out of the 34 behaviours listed here (and this list is by no means exhaustive) I had experienced 14 of them. Drama queen my fucking arse.

Next up we have a just as harmful VERBAL ABUSE

*name calling/swearing at you
*constant insults
*nasty hurtful comments
*criticising
*correcting everything you say
*refusing to listen to what you have to say
*silence/sulking
*not allowing you to have a voice or opinion
*only engaging in conversation when they choose
*blocking and diverting when you talk
*screamin and shouting at you
Leaving nasty messages notes texts phone or fb
*Laughing/making fun of you
*Withholding discussion approval and appreciation
*sneering at you
*shaming and humiliating you in front of others with put downs disguised as jokes


Now here I had experienced all bar one (the nasty texts/messages/ahem er blogs were always more my area)

Nasty hurtful comments would include calling me fat. He even cheated on me once citing "you got fat" as the reason.

It took me a year to realise I wasn't fat and he was in fact an abusive cunt but you can imagine the way my self esteem and confidence felt after that


The next one is what I would consider to be the worst of them all EMOTIONAL ABUSE

*telling you or making you think you are crazy
*playing mind games
*saying it was your fault they did it
* threatening suicide
*blaming the abuse on jealousy afraid you will go off with someone else
*making you feel sorry for them crying etc saying they are stressed
*minimising the abuse (it was only...)
*threats (if you leave me il get the kids taken off you etc)
hiding your phone/keys etc
Telling you he only does it because
He loves you
Exhaustion not allowing you to sleep.



Emotional and verbal abuse are the ones that fuck with your head the most and leave the long lasting scars that no one can say and can take years to heal.

We also have FINANCIAL ABUSE

Controlling all the money
Not allowing you to see statements
Withholding money/cards
Preventing you from getting a job
Putting bills in your name and then not paying
Not allowing you to have own bank account
Giving you an allowance which is not enough
Making you account for every penny you spend
*Not paying bills but spending money on themselves
Not working themselves but force you out to work
Forcing you to commit crime for money
*Stealing money from you



SPIRITUAL ABUSE

Preventing you from practising your beliefs
Forced marriage
Forcing the kids to be their religion without ur consent
Forcing you to go against ur beliefs
Using religion as an excuse for abuse
Arrange marriage
Femal genital mutilation

And finally SEXUAL ABUSE

Sex on demand
Forced to watch or re enact porn
Making you do things u don't wanna do
Violent hurtful sadistic sex
Making you feel guilty when your not in the mood
Sex that causes injury
Taking pics against ur will
Rape
*Name calling frigid whore slut slag
*excessive jealousy
Keeping you preggers
Unwanted touching
Sexual assault
Forcing you to do group sex etc
Forcing sex after physical assault
Forced use of objects
Forcing you to strip or stripping you
Giving you an std
*accusing you of dressing like a slut to attract other men
*accusing you of flirting or cheating





Now the last 3 I didn't get much of. I was never in danger of financial abuse on account of the fact I am a self sufficient home owning car owning fucking super queen and he is a minimum wage barman with no hope. Spirituality never came into it and let's face it we all know I'm a horny bastard and would enjoy sex in any capacity but you get the picture.

All of the above are WRONG and you should NOT ACCEPT it.

I saw a quote somewhere that said you can't make people respect you but you can choose not to be disrespected. So if you recognise any of the behaviours in your gobshite then the red flags are there and I would strongly advise you to abandon that fucking ship as fast as your princess heels will carry you


Xxx

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