Good evening my lovelies!
Having managed to complete the rest of my uni work today I am officially FREE to have a life once more! The last few months have been absolutely crazy and I decided last night I was going to get everything done today so I could enjoy my weekend without that "you should be doing work" guilty thought in the back of my mind. I put my 9 year old son to bed early last night with the intention of having an early night myself so I could be up fresh as a daisy and raring to go this morning. Unfortunately I got side tracked with a WhatsApp convo (as ya do) and so didn't end up going to sleep until past midnight....
TODAY
6.30am: Am rudely awoken by someone standing on my head. It's my son. His early night meant he was up at the crack of dawn and he had come into my room to get his ipad which was next to me charging. He apologised, I fumed.
7.30am: Still zombiefied I realise with horror I am going to have to get up. Order son to get washed and dressed. Son informs me his school shirt needs ironing. I fume
7.35am ironed shirt with one eye shut
7.40am throwing miscellaneous food items into sons lunch box. God knows what he ate
8am: half heartedly had a shower... basically got in, got wet, got out. Look like shit
8.15am son demands cocoa pops. I don't have any cocoa pops. give him toast. he fumes, I fume and tell him about the starving kids in Africa etc. realise I sound like my mother. I fume some more
8.30am I pack car up with 9 library books I needed to take back, folders, shepherd son into car
8.40am driving to drop son off at school. son has decided to wear a trilby hat. explain to son that he cant take it to school. he fumes. I fume. forcibly remove hat from son as he vacates the car. he informs me I have ruined his life.
8.45am Mother duties have ceased until 3.15pm and I am free to morph from parent to student
8.50am realise with horror its my half sisters birthday tomorrow. leg it to asda to purchase birthday card
9.00am realise have left phone at home which contains sisters postcode. fume. have to return home to get it.
9.10am retrieve phone from home. address birthday card. drive round the corner to the post box. it says "collection 9am" on it. fume
9.20am back at asda to post birthday card. collection is 3pm. sound. I can set off to be a student now
9.30am I am on the road to uni. drive is horrendous. traffic everywhere. soon as I park it starts to rain. fume.
9.50am arrive at Sydney jones library. place looks like a shelter for the homeless. students are sitting everywhere. at the desks, on the floor, some have spent the night there and slept on the floor. THERE ARE NO AVAILABLE DESKS. fume
10.15am after wandering around the library helplessly looking for a place to park I eventually find a free desk on the second floor. I collapse in a heap. I have still got my coat on from the rain and the library is boiling. fume
10.25am a whole HOUR behind schedule I begin to work. the dream of finishing everything today is slipping away and I quite frankly cant be arsed to do anything.
10.30am japenese girl sitting 2 desks away keeps sneezing and making a sound that is similar to a woodpigeon only louder. economics student sat opposite me gives me a knowing raised eyebrow.
11am decide I cant be arsed doing any more on my philosophy essay and turn it in as is. selects print, am informed I only have 18p printer credit left. have to purchase more. fume
11.10am first assignment is printed and completed. now onto history
11.15am thought my history was almost done but it turns out by almost done I meant I had to write an intro and conclusion. fume. have to read whole essay to remember what the fuck it was I was banging on about. read email from tutor suggesting I include a reference to some book that I can find in the library. glance sadly at my pile of 9 books I have already and go off in search of book number 10.
11.25 book number 10 is located in a "silent" study area. I walk in, my Pandora bracelet rattles, everyone turns to look at me with hell in their eyes. I silently apologise and scuttle off to find my book.
11.28 CANT FIND SODDING BOOK
11.30 book located. silently creep back through the angry silent students and go back to the second floor
11.40am realise book is about women in the nineteenth century being put in lunatic asylums if they exhibited sexual desire. ponder if I should be in a lunatic asylum. decide yes probably
11.45am sneezing japenese girl 2 desks down in tears.
11.50am I WANT TO FUCKING DIE
1pm decide history essay will just have to fucking do, I cant be arsed with it anymore. print off, submit, 2 down, 1 to go
1.10pm open English essay
1.11pm open email from English lecturer with some feedback on the draft I sent him. "this really gets into it's stride from page 3 onwards"... translation, pages 1 and 2 are shit. fume
1.20pm wonder how my life ever got to the point were I was comparing a story about how a german prisoner was anally raped to death by british soldiers I. world war one with Jekyll and hyde.
2.30pm ready to hunt down the person who invented MHRA referencing and anally rape him to death
2.40pm Fuck it, it's getting submitted
2.45pm almost fall down the stairs trying to carry 10 books back to the hand in bit
2.50pm offloaded all the books, off to the office to hand in the hard copies of my essays
2.55pm JOY! RAPTURE! I'M DONE!!! See mate from course in office. she is just beginning her essay today and still has a full other one to do. I wish her the best of british luck and thank god that's not me
3pm Feeling smug. upload smug facebook status
3.15pm arrive to pick son up from school having accidentally cut up a taxi on the drive up. could see drivier going mental in my mirror. I am too exhausted to give a shit so pretend I have not seen him
3.16pm son informs me an older kid has been picking on him today. son asked bigger kid "haven't you got a life or mates your own age?"... bigger kid then decked son. proud of son for being a gobby little bastard. puts "must speak to teacher" on next weeks list.
3.30pm arrive home, house looks like ive been burgled. it hasn't I just haven't been arsed to tidy up
3.35pm sit on couch to watch telly. son attacking me with a light sabre wanting to play. make half arsed swooshing sounds while watching the rest of Marcella
4pm son asks whats for tea. I tell him sweet and sour chicken. son fumes. I reiterate starving kids in Africa line. I fume
5pm make tea, chicken smells funny. its in date but it smells funny. cook it anyway. rice is done, debate risking salmonella but at the last minute decide against it and knock up a quick chilli instead to go with the rice. fume that I have wasted chicken and sweet and sour and think about the starving kids in Africa
5.30pm lengthy phonecall with uni mate. am informed of several bits of juicy gossip. get over exicited
7pm inform son we are going to have fun this weekend. offer to take him either to the pictures, bowling, or to that play factore in manc. he wants to do all 3. I tell him we can't do all 3 and he needs to pick one. he fumes. I, being shattered, kick right off and call him a right ungrateful little brat and send him to his room
7.30pm text from son.. "I'm so sorry mummy I love you"... feel guilty for fuming
8pm watch easties, think Stacey looks gorgeous...think bobby beales a right little cunt and I would love to smash him over the head with a hockey stick
8.30pm decide we are still hungry so go to maccies. they give me chicken nuggets instead of cheese bites and a medium drink instead of a large. fume inwardly to myself as haven't the energy to pick a battle with a maccies employee
9pm retire to bed, feeling stressed but accomplished
So that's it!! all my work is done and I am looking forward to a few months peace and quiet before the mayhem starts in September!
PS, I fully understand this blog is not grammatically correct, full of spelling mistakes and there is barely a capital letter in it. fucking sue me xxx
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