Putting the hot in Psychotic

Greetings from lunaticsville!!

What a rollercoaster of a week this has been!

Last weekend my friends and I gathered for a small soiree which resulted in us all getting absolutely twatted and sent me as far west as can possibly be until around Wednesday. Such is the problem of having a good time. The length of the recovery period is in direct correlation with the size of the ball that was had. I am reliably informed I left the party at 7am. I WALKED home having left my car at my mates house and deciding I needed to be alone.... what the fuck. Got home, got into bed and then spent the next 3 days questioning every life choice I had ever made and crying a lot. You know how it is.

This, coupled with the fact my Achilles heel as he will here after be known decided to call me on Sunday and it sounded like he was in a similar state. We cried. And told each other we still loved each other. What a fucking disaster. I blame the drink.....etc. He also did an Adele on me and wanted to go over everything that went wrong with us while I chipped in occasionally with I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT but to no avail. Speaking to him, it is abundantly clear he has no clear recollection whatsoever about what happened the night we broke up. And frankly I don't want to enlighten him as it is far too painful to talk about. I can't possibly meet up with him though as he still seems to believe will be happening. If I see him again, I'll shag him again. I know this, you know this, a fucking deaf, blind and mute kid in outer Mongolia knows this. And it is a recipe for carnage. It is NOT HAPPENING NO NO NO. After spending half the week in a state of melancholy and following some ill advised shenanigans I have made an executive decision to stop doing stupid stuff. The only problem we have is I am currently flying through a hypermanic episode, during which doing stupid stuff is simply unavoidable. The best thing I can do is remain indoors and channel this energy into productive actions. My uni work has been smashed today. I am about 6 WEEKS ahead of where I need to be (which is massively impressive thank you very much) and this is due to the fact I spent the day in the library churning out assignment after assignment. I have sent it off to my tutors to get some feedback on it before I submit it (just to make sure I haven't produced thousands of words of shit) and as I type this blog I am literally checking my phone every 5 minutes to see if I have had a response. It is Saturday night. I KNOW I am not going to get a response over the weekend. Yet I still check. It is honestly like when you have text a boy you are keen on and are constantly checking your phone for a reply except its not a boy its world renowned doctors and professors etc.

I put the hot in psychotic

I feel like going out for a run.... THAT is how mad I am right now.

Instead, I shall have a bath, get in my pyjama's and resist the urge to bounce into town and go and party with strangers (yes, I have done that before. A lot. Mainly in Garlands. Had a ball as well to be fair) and I will also resist the urge I have to get in my car and go and drive to London which I have also done before several times....Ohhhhh me and my chaotic brain. It is like there is a little devil on my shoulder saying go on, get into mischief....think of the stories you will be able to tell. Stop it, stop it right now!!!!!

In fact, you know what, balls to it. You only live once and all that. I'm off out on an adventure, if i'm not back by Thursday call the police xxx