Greetings from lunaticsville!!
What a rollercoaster of a week this has been!
Last weekend my friends and I gathered for a small soiree which resulted in us all getting absolutely twatted and sent me as far west as can possibly be until around Wednesday. Such is the problem of having a good time. The length of the recovery period is in direct correlation with the size of the ball that was had. I am reliably informed I left the party at 7am. I WALKED home having left my car at my mates house and deciding I needed to be alone.... what the fuck. Got home, got into bed and then spent the next 3 days questioning every life choice I had ever made and crying a lot. You know how it is.
This, coupled with the fact my Achilles heel as he will here after be known decided to call me on Sunday and it sounded like he was in a similar state. We cried. And told each other we still loved each other. What a fucking disaster. I blame the drink.....etc. He also did an Adele on me and wanted to go over everything that went wrong with us while I chipped in occasionally with I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT but to no avail. Speaking to him, it is abundantly clear he has no clear recollection whatsoever about what happened the night we broke up. And frankly I don't want to enlighten him as it is far too painful to talk about. I can't possibly meet up with him though as he still seems to believe will be happening. If I see him again, I'll shag him again. I know this, you know this, a fucking deaf, blind and mute kid in outer Mongolia knows this. And it is a recipe for carnage. It is NOT HAPPENING NO NO NO. After spending half the week in a state of melancholy and following some ill advised shenanigans I have made an executive decision to stop doing stupid stuff. The only problem we have is I am currently flying through a hypermanic episode, during which doing stupid stuff is simply unavoidable. The best thing I can do is remain indoors and channel this energy into productive actions. My uni work has been smashed today. I am about 6 WEEKS ahead of where I need to be (which is massively impressive thank you very much) and this is due to the fact I spent the day in the library churning out assignment after assignment. I have sent it off to my tutors to get some feedback on it before I submit it (just to make sure I haven't produced thousands of words of shit) and as I type this blog I am literally checking my phone every 5 minutes to see if I have had a response. It is Saturday night. I KNOW I am not going to get a response over the weekend. Yet I still check. It is honestly like when you have text a boy you are keen on and are constantly checking your phone for a reply except its not a boy its world renowned doctors and professors etc.
I put the hot in psychotic
I feel like going out for a run.... THAT is how mad I am right now.
Instead, I shall have a bath, get in my pyjama's and resist the urge to bounce into town and go and party with strangers (yes, I have done that before. A lot. Mainly in Garlands. Had a ball as well to be fair) and I will also resist the urge I have to get in my car and go and drive to London which I have also done before several times....Ohhhhh me and my chaotic brain. It is like there is a little devil on my shoulder saying go on, get into mischief....think of the stories you will be able to tell. Stop it, stop it right now!!!!!
In fact, you know what, balls to it. You only live once and all that. I'm off out on an adventure, if i'm not back by Thursday call the police xxx
Saturday 20 February 2016
Wednesday 10 February 2016
February Feeling Fine
S'appenin there my lovelies I thought I would write a little blog this evening about nothing in particular.
First things first I have decided to give up cock for lent. While I would like to say this is in the interests of being righteous and holy, if I am being completely honest it is solely to give myself a fighting chance of not fucking my ex boyfriend again. I'm going to just hold my hands up it was firmly on the cards set in stone arranged meet up.
ARGH!!
I had not been having as much contact with him of late, then a couple of weeks ago he phoned me one Thursday evening just for a hi how are you chat sort of thing. None descript. Mediocre. Boring. Then at 4am I get a phonecall.... I ignored it as I was sleepy however me being completely addicted to him as we all know lasted approx 30seconds before returning the call. He was drunk, he was missing me. He was apologetic for all previous twatness. And then he began talking about our sex life and said he knew that I, like he, had never been able to have sex to match the sex we had.
And though it truly pains me to admit it, he's absolutely right.
What a conundrum.
I'm not saying the sex I have had since him has been bad at all.... more just....yano....vanilla. And although everyone quite likes vanilla, it really is no comparison to a double chocolate fudge sunday with wafers, sprinkles and a sparkler in it. The struggle is real.
Do you have to fuck a psycho to get laid properly? I have to believe that is not the case or I am going to be going backwards for the rest of my life. It's not just the sex though. I think the amazing sex we created had a lot to do with the fact we shared a deep deep intimacy that led to a connection that is near impossible to replicate. I was in love. That's what is is, I was in love...still am...and the love allowed us to be completely uninhibited with each other. That and the fact we were both complete and utter nymphomaniacs and were also a bit on the depraved side.
So anyway he was meant to be coming to see me at the end of the month and while I initially agreed, I later backtracked because I can't deal with another period of emotional turmoil after the fact. We all know what is going to happen. I will have a crazy night of wild passion and then be cast back down the rabbit hole of despair. I have a lot of uni deadlines coming up in March and April and I honestly can't face doing another assignment through fits of sobs. No, back the fucking truck up and don't do it.
I have extended this cock back to include all penises and to this end I will not be sleeping with ANYONE. It is quite simple to do when your main source of love length is London based and you aren't the slightest bit interested in anything else.
I was discussing with a friend the fact I hadn't shagged a scouser since 2011 and was feeling quite worldly until she informed me she hadn't shagged a BRITISH PERSON since 2007 and a scouser since 2004!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All at once my world seemed so.....small.
My worst ever fear is just living a life were you don't move out of a square mile radius so I am always making sure I can travel as often as I can and experience new things as much as possible but the sad fact is that while I do my studies I am financially restricted to what I can do. In my second year I have the option to study in America so I am trying to convince my son that this would be a cool thing to do to move there for a few months but I think I am flogging a dead kid because he doesn't seem keen. It is a while away yet though so you never know. I may threaten him with boarding school if he continues to be so boring. It is basically kennelling for the middle classes so it is clearly an option. I am dreaming big. 5 years from now I want to be in a new job earning at least double what I am on now in a house twice the size having had a continued stay abroad somewhere. And I will achieve it, just need to stay focussed on the end game.
I'm loving my yoga detox thing I am doing although getting to town for 7am for the classes is almost finishing me off. But a girls got to realign her chakras somehow and it is all in the name of inner peace.
That's all for now motherfuckers until next time xxx
First things first I have decided to give up cock for lent. While I would like to say this is in the interests of being righteous and holy, if I am being completely honest it is solely to give myself a fighting chance of not fucking my ex boyfriend again. I'm going to just hold my hands up it was firmly on the cards set in stone arranged meet up.
ARGH!!
I had not been having as much contact with him of late, then a couple of weeks ago he phoned me one Thursday evening just for a hi how are you chat sort of thing. None descript. Mediocre. Boring. Then at 4am I get a phonecall.... I ignored it as I was sleepy however me being completely addicted to him as we all know lasted approx 30seconds before returning the call. He was drunk, he was missing me. He was apologetic for all previous twatness. And then he began talking about our sex life and said he knew that I, like he, had never been able to have sex to match the sex we had.
And though it truly pains me to admit it, he's absolutely right.
What a conundrum.
I'm not saying the sex I have had since him has been bad at all.... more just....yano....vanilla. And although everyone quite likes vanilla, it really is no comparison to a double chocolate fudge sunday with wafers, sprinkles and a sparkler in it. The struggle is real.
Do you have to fuck a psycho to get laid properly? I have to believe that is not the case or I am going to be going backwards for the rest of my life. It's not just the sex though. I think the amazing sex we created had a lot to do with the fact we shared a deep deep intimacy that led to a connection that is near impossible to replicate. I was in love. That's what is is, I was in love...still am...and the love allowed us to be completely uninhibited with each other. That and the fact we were both complete and utter nymphomaniacs and were also a bit on the depraved side.
So anyway he was meant to be coming to see me at the end of the month and while I initially agreed, I later backtracked because I can't deal with another period of emotional turmoil after the fact. We all know what is going to happen. I will have a crazy night of wild passion and then be cast back down the rabbit hole of despair. I have a lot of uni deadlines coming up in March and April and I honestly can't face doing another assignment through fits of sobs. No, back the fucking truck up and don't do it.
I have extended this cock back to include all penises and to this end I will not be sleeping with ANYONE. It is quite simple to do when your main source of love length is London based and you aren't the slightest bit interested in anything else.
I was discussing with a friend the fact I hadn't shagged a scouser since 2011 and was feeling quite worldly until she informed me she hadn't shagged a BRITISH PERSON since 2007 and a scouser since 2004!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All at once my world seemed so.....small.
My worst ever fear is just living a life were you don't move out of a square mile radius so I am always making sure I can travel as often as I can and experience new things as much as possible but the sad fact is that while I do my studies I am financially restricted to what I can do. In my second year I have the option to study in America so I am trying to convince my son that this would be a cool thing to do to move there for a few months but I think I am flogging a dead kid because he doesn't seem keen. It is a while away yet though so you never know. I may threaten him with boarding school if he continues to be so boring. It is basically kennelling for the middle classes so it is clearly an option. I am dreaming big. 5 years from now I want to be in a new job earning at least double what I am on now in a house twice the size having had a continued stay abroad somewhere. And I will achieve it, just need to stay focussed on the end game.
I'm loving my yoga detox thing I am doing although getting to town for 7am for the classes is almost finishing me off. But a girls got to realign her chakras somehow and it is all in the name of inner peace.
That's all for now motherfuckers until next time xxx
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