uni life

It is that time of the year again, I have broken my phone! Dropped it yesterday morning making breakfast and now I have had to send it off to the insurance to get repaired. Probably the 20th time I have done this in my life. Fuming with myself!!

So anyway as I am phoneless and reduced to going old school on a laptop to communicate with the outside world I decided to write a little blog update!!!

What an absolute whirlwind my life has become!!!

So as you all know I have started full time uni and I am now officially a law student... or a "trainee lawyer" as they like to call us... I like that title, I think I will stick to it!

Freshers week started with a blast. By day two I was mid week drinking. The amount of free dominos was unbelievable. And I even got involved with some non law related societies... check me out, I'm in the astronomy society!!!!!!!!!

The heavy stuff started pretty much immediately. I found myself quickly snowed under with work, none of which was making much sense. Also for some reason its all in fucking Latin which is both interesting and irritating at the same time! My method of forcing everyone I came across to be friends with me has worked tremendously and I am now in a WhatsApp group chat with 85 members in it. What a time to be alive!

I have to admit, the lifestyle change was striking and there have been a few moments where I have thought to myself "what the hell am I doing"!!! A crisis of confidence to say the least. I would say a Law degree at a Russell Group university certainly sorts the brave from the weak. There is a reason why it is a difficult degree to get on!!!!! But what it has shown me is how much broader my horizons now are. I feel like my life has been yanked off its original trajectory and I am now hurtling UPWARDS at a furious speed. It is exciting and terrifying all at the same time. When I think back to my days before uni... getting up every day to go to a boring job which while convenient and nicely paid literally sucked the life out of me... I wake up every morning now excited for the day ahead. And that is such a brilliant feeling. Not that I have given up work completely mind you. I still do 4 hours on a Thursday morning and a few hours over the weekend but it very much feels like my "Saturday Job" rather than one of the biggest portions of my life.

The only problem with this picture is with uni being 5 days a week and my working the weekends, I am now doing 7 day weeks. This is exhausting and this week, the inevitable happened... I got sick. Dying of what is commonly referred to as freshers flu I had to miss lectures today and stay in bed. I am off work tomorrow but meant to be in Sunday and if I am still feeling like this I think I might have to phone in sick!!! I hate phoning in sick. I am normally only ever off sick due to mental breakdown reasons so I am really hoping I am better for sunday as I don't want to have to phone in sick with a cold. They will probably think I am taking the piss as its only my second week back but I am quickly learning with a uni/work/personal schedule this hectic, I HAVE to start looking after myself otherwise If I continue to the point of physical and mental exhaustion I will be out of action for months. So I will see how I feel on Sunday but for now I am curled up in bed with Netflix and a shit load of cold and flu rememdies. There are scrumpled up tissues all over my floor. This is not an uncommon sight for my bedroom to be honest but usually its post sex clean up rather than snot haha!!!

I have been thinking a lot about Ash this week. I know exactly why, in criminal law we have been discussing mens rea which I wont bore you too much with but it basically means guilty mind. what was the defendants intention when commiting the offence. We have also been discussing common assault and criminal damage which where the two offences he was convicted of in the end with me. I have been thinking..... what a fucking bellend. I can't believe I was in love with him. I mean I say this half heartedly as the fact I'm thinking about him at all speaks volumes but, and it has taken a long time to get to this point, but I feel like it was in the past now. I would say up until a few months ago it still felt very much in my present. It is difficult to try and rebuild your life after horrible things happen to you. I think I was putting too much pressure on myself to be over it too quickly and was becoming frustrated that it still affected me so much. I can quite comfortably say now that what happened was abuse. I know that's weird and you are probably thinking er yes of course it was abuse, you even state recovery from abuse in your blog title you wierdo,  but I think deep down really I was still excusing that behaviour and rationalising it as something else in my head.

You know what else I have been thinking about. During each episode... I never ever fought back. Well I mean he was a lot stronger than me anyway so resistance was futile but I just think now if anyone ever touched me like that again I would have absolutely no problem in stabbing them in the eye with my acrylics.

Anyway enough of that, I am so over being a victim of that situation. I am winning at life and hes still on 8 quid an hour. Meff

This week I had my first properly assessed piece of work that counts towards my degree. Well its 5 percent of a 15 credit module and there are 120 credits a year so its only a microscopic portion but nonetheless it is important.

I had a test

It was 20 questions

I got 100percent

Now let me tell you boys and girls this was not your run of the mill if in doubt pick c sort of test it was a motherfucking complicated test which went on about ratio decedeni and obiter dictum and all sorts of shit and I. GOT. 100PERCENT

Crisis of confidence.... evaporated.

I can do this. And not only can I do this, I can do this fucking well

Game on Bitches. I'm off to be a lawyer xxx