Leave your ex in the past

I, like many of my fellow human beings have a very dibillitating disorder which tends to strike after a large consumption of alcohol and that is the inexplicable urge to contact my ex, even if that ex has been pretty much the sole cause of all my pain and suffering over the course of the last couple of years.

It happened just before Christmas. I had been heavily drinking with friends after visiting the warhol exhibition. So much so, that at 8am I found myself still up nursing a vodka and diet coke and filled with the kind of mental anguish that only a heavy night can bring.

I decided the best course of action would be to email my ex and say "arghhhhhhhhh" it shouldn't be like this and to my surprise he replied

At first he was rather mean saying basically everything was all my fault and that I had been loving life while he had been suffering and living on people's sofas and so we had a bit of an argument but after that he sort of opened up a bit and we agreed to stay in touch.

I didn't hear anything for a few days which I assumed was because he was out shagging an afghan hound or something and had no access to Internet but he did message Boxing Day to say he'd been upset all over Xmas thinking of what might have been and then again on New Year's Day to wish me happy new year with an "ily" on the end which I am reliably informed by a teenager means "I love you"

Meanwhile I have started watching the series "girls" on sky box sets and in it there is this couple called Adam and Hannah and their relationship is a mirror of ours. He is a bit of a sociopath and quirky and unpredictable and she is slightly neurotic and talks too much but somehow their relationship is deep love and watching them really really made me miss my ex (aside from the violence and the general meanness)

So I emailed him in the middle of the night

I got a reply and we talked for a bit and then he said something like "you're such a stalker you would never let anyone leave your life" which pissed me off so I said "fuck you" to which he replied "yeah I already have many times and it was filthy and fun"

And all of a sudden his cocky arrogance that pisses off everyone else on the planet yet I used to find so intoxicating was now just pissing me off too.

There is no remorse there, there is no compassion, and as far as I can see the only sadness and unhappiness he is feeling is because of his living situation and nothing to do with me whatsoever. Was I becoming his shoulder to cry on?! Entering into some sort of friend situation? The very thought made me feel sick.

So u emailed him last night and said listen Iv been thinking and I don't think we should keep in touch. We have never been friends and we never will be. I said some other stuff too but that was the jist.

And he hasn't replied. And do you know what Iv realised that I am feeling relief that he hasn't replied. You know when you send a risky text and you chuck your phone away and then you shit yourself every time it goes in case it's a shitty reply? Well that's how it's been. The easiest way would be for him to not reply. The second easiest would be to reply being a cunt because that also makes it easier to break away. The worst possible outcome would be an emotional breakdown but I am confident that won't happen as up to now I have seen zero evidence of remorse or taking responsibility so I think I'm out of the woods. And whereas once upon a time that would make me feel depressed and lost, now it turns that actually I DO genuinely want him out of my life and in not just telling myself that. My heart, it would appear, is now finally singing from the same hymn sheet as my head.

Excellent, the shittiest break up of my life has finally subsided and what a glorious time to do so. My part time hours start next week, Iv applied for access courses to go to uni and I feel excited for the future for the first time in years. 

Winner

Xxx

Christmas Blog!

Good evening campers! You will notice there has been a distinct lack of blogging action recently for which I would like to offer my deepest apologies. My blogging output tends to be in direct proportion to my depression levels and for the last few months I have mainly felt pretty fucking decent!!!

So as you are probably all aware the ex was sentenced to 140 hours community service, a 400 quid fine, 12mths probation and of course told in no uncertain terms to never darken my (owned not rented) doorway ever again! He was deported back down south and I could finally move on with my life!!!

I have to say once I had got through the shitty heartbreak part, Iv actually had a pretty good fucking time! Iv been to Dublin with friends, Paris for my birthday, concerts, parties, a SMALL sprinkling of casual sex just to keep the loins pumping and the main part of all is I realised I'm still FUCKING FABULOUS!

Believe me realising that was no easy task having been under the impression im a nothing for the past year. But realise it I did, and now it takes a LOT to wipe the smile off my face. In fact it's pretty much a hangover that's the only thing that will truly do it!!

Iv been setting myself small goals each month, just stupid stuff like get a new hair cut or redecorate a room and I swear to god that's helped me no end. When I look back over the last few months and see how far Iv come im not ashamed to admit that I'm pretty fucking proud of myself!!

Also a massive huge boost to me is the amount of people who have contacted mean out their own experiences. Iv actively helped 4 different chicks escape their abusive relationships and Iv also found deep long lasting friendships with many more. Almost shedding a proud tear here!

So yeah, everything's fucking awesome! Iv got an amazing support network of friends and family and I am so grateful to have as much love as I do! So no "new year new me" shouts from me kids, I'm staying exactly the bloody same!!! Xxxx

Fully recovered!!!!!

Evening my sexual followers!

Just thought I would catch you up on the life and times of myself as I have not blogged in a while.

I am totally recovered!!!! Seriously when I look back 3 months at just how Ill this whole thing made me I can't believe how far I have come and now I can honestly say to anyone who is reading this blog because they are looking for hope during their own experience that YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT and MUCH BETTER DAYS ARE AHEAD!!!!

I used to think people that said that to me at the time where full of shit. "What do they know" I'd sob whilst rocking back and forth under my sons Spider-Man blanket and uncontrollably panicing about something I wasn't quite sure about. I thought I would never ever feel normal let alone happy again. I don't think I stopped fidgeting for a good 3 weeks and I would have given ANYTHING for the pain to stop.

Well the pain HAS stopped. It stopped about 6 weeks ago. And I tell you what seeing that horrible nasty woman beating prick get convicted and sentenced was one of the most satisfying moments of my life and now, standing here at the other side of the woods I can strongly say I would do it all again tomorrow. There were times I felt like dropping the charges because it was so painful but I am so glad I didn't now and it was totally 100percent worth it!

For those that don't know he ended up getting 140 hours community service, 12mths probation and 400quid fine of which I get 300 

So since the rebuilding of my life commenced I have so far lost about a stone and got absolutely smoking hot by smashing the gym and eating healthy! I have quit smoking, got a new hair cut and colour, sorted out all my finances, rearranged my furniture, started wearing different clothes and in general just having a more positive outlook!!! Every day I wake up happy and excited for life! Like I feel there is opportunity in every day! I really enjoy helping other people through there own domestic violence experiences as I feel I have turned my own torment around into a positive. And I can't say too much at the minute but Iv got something in the pipe work that could drastically alter my life at the beginning of next year!!

So that's all from me for today! trust your instincts, believe in yourself, take no shit and be whatever you want to be! Xxx

Fully recovered!!!!!

Evening my sexual followers!

Just thought I would catch you up on the life and times of myself as I have not blogged in a while.

I am totally recovered!!!! Seriously when I look back 3 months at just how Ill this whole thing made me I can't believe how far I have come and now I can honestly say to anyone who is reading this blog because they are looking for hope during their own experience that YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT and MUCH BETTER DAYS ARE AHEAD!!!!

I used to think people that said that to me at the time where full of shit. "What do they know" I'd sob whilst rocking back and forth under my sons Spider-Man blanket and uncontrollably panicing about something I wasn't quite sure about. I thought I would never ever feel normal let alone happy again. I don't think I stopped fidgeting for a good 3 weeks and I would have given ANYTHING for the pain to stop.

Well the pain HAS stopped. It stopped about 6 weeks ago. And I tell you what seeing that horrible nasty woman beating prick get convicted and sentenced was one of the most satisfying moments of my life and now, standing here at the other side of the woods I can strongly say I would do it all again tomorrow. There were times I felt like dropping the charges because it was so painful but I am so glad I didn't now and it was totally 100percent worth it!

For those that don't know he ended up getting 140 hours community service, 12mths probation and 400quid fine of which I get 300 

So since the rebuilding of my life commenced I have so far lost about a stone and got absolutely smoking hot by smashing the gym and eating healthy! I have quit smoking, got a new hair cut and colour, sorted out all my finances, rearranged my furniture, started wearing different clothes and in general just having a more positive outlook!!! Every day I wake up happy and excited for life! Like I feel there is opportunity in every day! I really enjoy helping other people through there own domestic violence experiences as I feel I have turned my own torment around into a positive. And I can't say too much at the minute but Iv got something in the pipe work that could drastically alter my life at the beginning of next year!!

So that's all from me for today! trust your instincts, believe in yourself, take no shit and be whatever you want to be! Xxx

@narcissiticmonst IS NOT ME!!!

Hi guys just a quickie, 

As most of you know I'm being stalked by a crazy guy, overnight he has created a Twitter pretending to be an evil version of myself and is currently using it to tweet random abuse to strangers. I am still @singlegalabto and his actual Twitter account has been suspended. If you have been directed to this blog by the nutter account please accept my apologise, the harrasment was reported to the police a week ago and the sergeant dealing with the case called me last night to say they are taking the matter very seriously they are just waiting for Twitter to release the name and address of the guy so they can go and arrest him.

Sorry once again

Rant!

If in doubt, blog!

This is my blog and it's mainly here for me to vent my frustrations and iv got 2 main ones this evening!

Firstly remember I said I'd emailed soft shite about collecting his stuff and threatening to lash it if he didn't come soon. Well he must have had his nose pushed right out of joint because this afternoon I got a phone call from the police to arrange another date!

I was all in a fluster because id just been to alder hey to have my sons plaster cast cut off and I was in the middle of crossing the road when she called me. So I answered the phone and she was saying about arranging a date and quite frankly I felt her approach was a bit out of order.

I mentioned that I had already given 2 dates which had been ignored and he had also had the whole of the previous 2 months to sort this out and I was feeling like it was stopping me from forgetting all about it still having this crap in my house! So she started saying to me I would get into trouble if I got rid of it and he could take me to small claims court. At which point I said well I'd be happy with that to be honest then I could just write him a cheque and also claim for the phone contract he left me with and then that would be that no need for the trauma of having him in my house but this seemed to displease the lady!

Then she said well he's coming up to Liverpool for the court date on the 13th and wants to collect his stuff then. Now I am out of the country from the 11th to the 15th and when I told her this she was like well won't you have to go to court? So I said no he's already guilty it's just the sentencing and what would I want to go to that for?! So she seemed annoyed that I was going on holiday and as I didn't have my diary with me I wasn't able to confirm any other dates. She said, you are aware he's no longer in the city. So I said yes but that's not my problem what sort or moron leaves the city without collecting his stuff?! So she said well he hasn't been able to because of bail so I said yes he has this has been a condition of bail since day 1 and iv been chasing this up for ages! We left it at that and I later rang back with 5 dates between now and December. 

What the fucking fuck!!! This is over for me now, it's in my past. It's irritating me that it's dragging on and half of me thinks he's doing it coz he knows it still means I have a tie to him. As if he thought he was just going to come up, go to court and then pop in on the way home!! And as for its my responsibility to keep it safe what the fuck am I, storage solutions?!!!! It's not even like its anything good what am I gonna have his light sabre stripped and sold for parts?  I don't think she was familiar with the case and didn't realise he is already GUILTY. Fuck the fuck

 off!

The. His little sister who is only a young girl and therefore I can't really knock commented first on a pic of the 3 of us together with a sad face and then of one of my black eye saying I was out of order for putting it on Instagram. Out of order how exactly? Advertising the fact I had a black eye? It was emblazoned on my fucking face for 3 weeks. Out of order against him? It was out of order to do that to me in the first place. Domestic violence is a complex issue and I can tell you first hand the instinct is to hide away, cover up the bruises, deny the abuse, blame walking into a door. It's embarrassing and scary and uncomfortable and no one really wants to acknowledge it is happening least of all the victim. You don't want people to feel badly against the perpetrator. You make excuses. You are convinced it is your fault. You minimise the abuse saying it was only a shove etc. you are torn between knowing what's wrong and still being in love and hoping for the abuse to pass and the good times to come back. 

I walked into Illamasqua the day after and spent 115 pounds on coverage make up and concealers. It took 4 different products and an hour to fully cover the bruise and took an hour to apply. After about 3 days of doing this just to be able to leave the house I thought dya know what FUCK THIS. This is my face. It is not my fault it looks the way it does and why should I sit and hide away when I have done nothing wrong. I began to face the embarrassment head on. People would ask me what I had done and I would say in a voice which I will fully admit was shaking that I had been kneed in the face by my ex boyfriend while he was in the process of pinning me down to spit in my face. I waited for the pity and the shock. And it came. But more than that came the "good for you's" and the "well done for getting out" and the "you are so brave".

I didn't feel brave. I felt the weakest I had ever felt in my life. Powerless, defenceless and ashamed. Telling people what happened made it impossible for me to ever go back and that was a scary thought as my confidence was so low. But hat was half the reason I did it. If as many people as possible know, even when I'm weak, I still can't go back.

Eventually as time went by I got stronger

Especially through the hypnotherapy sessions I had and eventually I began to post my pics on facebook and Instagram. Think christy mack and rhianna. It got to this weak and I felt unstoppable. The comment from his little sister unsettled me and for a moment the feelings of shame and fear came back. But

Only for a moment

I have done nothing wrong. I am no longer afraid. Domestic Violence needs to be talked about and even if I have inspired just 1 person to find the strength to escape their abusive relationship then that is totally worth it to me.

Never back down xxx

Feeling fiiiiine!!!

Ohhhhh life is good! Life is more than good, life is absolutely frigging wonderful!

Today was meant to be the great trial of the century however due to my exs remarkable change of heart they have adjourned his sentencing until the 13th October while they do a pre-sentencing report. I would imagine he will get sent for life lessons on how to be a normal fucking human being however I know they are looking at his previous assaults on me that he admitted to and also the fact he did this one in front of my son as aggravating factors so who knows and more to the point who fucking gives a shit!

I couldn't give a fuck what he gets to be honest. I got the conviction and the restraining order and he's gone! he's the poor people of londons problem now! Fucking crazy, woman beating, minimum wage earning, fucked up in the head, wouldn't even have teeth if it weren't for me, pedestrian, sweaty bellend! #notar #offyoufuck

Remember I told you the police had rung me saying he wanted his stuff back? Well I suggested 2 dates and needless to say iv heard nothing so iv made the executive decision that this ends here right now today so last night I sent him the following e-mail directly. He's not allowed to reply coz of the bail conditions!!

Now then chris brown,

Police rang me to say you wanted your stuff and asked me for availability. I told them this Sunday just passed or this Wednesday coming. After this Wednesday I will be unavailable until the end of recorded time so you either come for it Wednesday or it is getting disposed of. You have had 2 months to sort this out, I am not a storage facility and one way or another this stuff will be out of my house on Wednesday. I appreciate you have moved to London and would therefore have to travel to collect it, however that is your problem. You should have collected it before you left. So I suggest you either book a train, or learn to live without it.

Tra

Sent from my iPhone

Fucking be arsed with that melt spanning this out another 3 weeks! If he thinks I'm keeping hold of it till the 13th he can fucking think again! Iv towed the line for long enough, he's had plenty of opportunity to come and collect it so he can go and chain himself to the fucking liver buildings for all I care this shit is exiting my house and life tomorrow and that is game over!!

In other news I am proper fucking fit these days, had a cheeky 8st 11 going on on the scales this morning and I'm 5ft 5 so I'm made up with that. Still got some belly fat but I'm going to hammer it next few weeks! Going to Dublin with my mates next month for 48 hours of drunken debauchee you with hot Irish men and stag party's and then my mummy is taking me to Paris in December for my 30th birthday!

To summarise, ding dong the psychos gone, iv awesomed all over the place, I'm jetting off twice before the end of the year and I'm fit as fuck. Just goes to show when your going through hell you just gotta keep going because as soon as your through it, you realise why you did it. Life is gooooood xxx